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There were boys who I watched develop a kind of denial about their behavior, whether it was a guy who shot a video of a girl performing oral sex on him and sent it to a bunch of friends without her knowledge, or a guy who said, “Yeah, this girl said I raped her, but I know the truth.” I worried that, without something that would challenge their behavior in a way the boys could hear, it would become entrenched. The boys I was talking to were so young that I would not want to say that about anybody. #MeToo has created a mandate to reduce sexual violence-but it’s also created this opportunity to really engage boys, maybe for the first time, in these discussions of gender and sex and emotional intimacy, in ways that not only reduce harm but also benefit both them and their partners.ĭid you encounter any boys who you worried were beyond repair? They wanted to have a more connected, fulfilling emotional and sexual life. They wanted a broader idea of what it meant to be a man. And most of the guys I spoke to really wanted that. That’s not true of most men, but we need to do some real work. Clearly for some guys, the messages they’re getting when they’re young are taking root and flowering and being allowed to thrive in a really negative way.
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The #MeToo movement revealed that these problems exists across every sector of society. Obviously if we look at the rates of harassment, of coercion, of assault, too many don’t get the message by osmosis. Given how little instruction and counsel boys are given, can we expect them to know better from the start? In today’s new era, we are rightly expecting more of them, but we are not having the discussions with them that would allow them to behave in ways we say we want them to. We greatly underestimate boys’ ability to engage with issues around physical and emotional intimacy-and we do that to their detriment, because they’re really struggling with all of this as well, and have even fewer outlets for talking about it. That was completely blown out of the water. My biggest bias going into this was that I thought boys wouldn’t talk about their feelings and their sex lives. Orenstein: What I ended up feeling when I was talking to girls was that they were systematically disconnected from their bodies, and with boys it was that they were systematically disconnected from their hearts. Out of 100, my applications with a male name got 10 responses to interview Out of 100, my applications with a female name got 87 responses to interview The female resume got 870% more responses.TIME: Did you have any notions about boys that fell apart while reporting this book? Sometimes the male went first, sometimes the female went first. Made a fake resume, and responded to craigslist ads with both male and female names. So then I thought "what about someone looking for working class jobs?" So I decided to focus on restaurants- servers, hosting, etc. Out of 100, my applications with a female name got 45 responses to interview The female resume was 650% more likely to get a callback. Out of 100, my applications with a male name got 7 responses for interview. I'd send it out with my real name, then a few days later (or few days before) with a female name. So I took my CV and changed the name to a female name. It's MUCH better being a woman So I did an experiment, I work in CS and decided to test what the gender bias is. 29.6K 1.3K sent 100 applications as a man and a woman.